Relax. Everything's going to be awesome.

Luke 11: 2-4 

² And he said to them, “When you pray, say:

Have you ever found out you were doing something incredibly, stupidly wrong? I have, many, many times in my life. A part of the reason for this is that I am a creature of habit. I tend to park in the same parking space whenever possible. I eat the same meals for weeks on end until I suddenly realize that I’ve eaten them to the point that I despise things I once loved. I spend much of my life on autopilot and I like it that way. It gives me time to think.

But unfortunately it tends to mean I don’t think enough about what I’m doing. I once realized that I was driving to a place using one route that was extremely long and driving away from that place using a route that cut out miles of the journey. I had been doing this for weeks. Creature of habit.

But recently this happened to me in a way that would be like finding out that you were walking wrong or breathing wrong. I have spent the majority of my life praying wrong.

My prayers have almost always been about me. Writing it down that way makes me feel embarrassed by how silly it sounds now.  I have known that God is not a cosmic vending machine since I was a child. What I made that mean is, God decides whether or not to do what I ask him to and there’s nothing I can do (like be extra moral that week for example) to make him more likely to do it. So instead of a vending machine I turned God into a cosmic slot machine. A divine casino.

How stupid could I possibly be? It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times and I’ve consistently manage to surpass my own wildest imaginings.

Imagine this. Prayer is about God.

It seems so obvious to me. The first words Jesus used to teach us to pray, if we can get past them without stumbling into Sunday school autopilot, are “Father hallowed be your name.” Father, glorify your name. Father, make much of yourself. Father, be praised.

“Your kingdom come,” Not my will but yours be done. Let things be done your way God. Make things resemble a world where you are in charge.

“Give us our daily bread,” Give me what I need for today, no more, no less. If you give me more I’ll say, what do I need God for? If you give me less I may steal and sully your good name. Take care of my concerns so that I can be concerned with what best glorifies You, Lord.

“Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.” Lord, if you have been so gracious as to pardon all we have done to rebel against you, how could we do so much less as to refuse to forgive the relatively minor infractions of those who’ve hurt us?

“Lead us not into temptation.” Please Father, don’t put me in a situation where it would be easy for me to sin against You. Don’t put me in a place where it is tempting to stain your name before others by transgressing against you.

It’s so blindingly obvious to me now that prayer should be about God that it makes me disgusted to look at how I’ve been praying. Prayer, like everything else we should do, should be directed at the glory and praise of God. Obvious. So obvious.

christopherandtheworld asked: So... I was wondering if you could promo my fundraising attempt. I need to raise $1000 dollars in 10 days to meet to first deadline, in addition to tons of prayer. I'm excited to see how God is going to work. "youcansend. me/christophermh/" <That's the donation website. I just posted something about it, so if you go on my tumblr you can just reblog it. There's a video and just a text post as well! My name is Christopher Houston on facebook if you want to add me too!

Sure. I don’t know how many people actually pay attention to this thing but I reblogged it. Good luck!

christopherandtheworld:

http://youcansend.me/christophermh/

If you donate, make sure to send me your address so I can mail you a personalized thank you card.

If you pray, message me a prayer request so I can be praying for you too.

If you hug… well, that’s has an instant return on it!

^{Luke 8: 22- 25 22}  One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, ²³ and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. ²⁴ And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. ²⁵ He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”

This story takes three verses. It barely fills a paragraph. It almost feels like an after thought. Like Luke was sitting down with all of his accounts of what went down in Jesus’s life and was like,

“Ah dang. I’ve got like sixty miracles here. Which one am I gonna put in? I’ve still gotta save the next fifty pages for the crucifixion and all that. Uh, I’ll throw in this bit about that horrifying storm that Jesus talked down. That’ll be good.”

I mean, seriously, that little joke bit I just threw together is almost longer than the whole story. Isn’t that the least bit ridiculous? I would have lingered here a bit and talked up the time that Jesus told a storm to sit down and shut up.

Now, here’s the important bit. Compare how long Luke talks about the times that Jesus is dealing with people. Like what happens next with Legion and all. Or the time he heals the Centurion’s servant. Those seem to be the stories that are lingered over. It’s almost like Jesus’s ministry was about helping people rather than showing off his God powers.

So, I’m reading through Deuteronomy now and I’m at one of the places where Moses is going through the run down of the ten commandments. So naturally I started judging myself on how well I follow them. So I looked at the first one. “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Well crap. I fail that one horribly. I have dozens of other things that creep into my mind and take away my worship from God. And the biggest one is me. So I started to keep going and then I stopped, because I realize that there are a lot of ways in which it didn’t matter. If I didn’t succeed in getting this one right, it doesn’t matter how close I come to completing the other nine and if I’m not putting God as number 1 in my life then I’m not going to be able to do any of the other nine.

Christianity is hard sometimes.

Also, a moment later God says this,

“ Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!”

Wow. Seeing that now, knowing what’s gonna happen to the Israelites… Dang.

Micah 7:18 Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.

Confessing sin is never fun, but I’ll tell you what I think is the root of much of, if not all, my sin. I hate myself. I hate myself because I cannot live up to my own standards. I hate myself because I feel small. I hate myself because I’m not who I want to be and I’m certainly not who I should be.

I think silly and stupid things. There are days when I believe that I am worthless. There are days when I think I don’t have a friend in the world. There are days when I let heartache and desire for things I cannot have overcome me. I despair so often.

I look at the problems that other people have, real problems and I despise myself for my own weakness. I see people who are persevering through pains that trump my a thousand times over. I see people smiling and laughing and curse myself by wishing I felt as happy as them. Jealousy surrounds me like a cloud when I think of the things I don’t have.

I hurt myself, not physically, but every bit as deliberately as if I were holding a knife to my arm. I let my mind go over old pains and things I should be past again and again like picking at scabs until I’m bleeding all over again.

I hide all of this as best I can. I hide behind humor, thinking that if I’m funny enough people will like me and they won’t see how hurt I am and I won’t have to be embarrassed. I hide behind smiles and by saying I’m alright just so I won’t have to deal with letting people in. I hide behind music and sermons, drowning out the noise in my head and blocking my own thoughts at every turn.

The truth is that I don’t want you to know who I am. I wish I was better. I wish I was cooler. I wish I believed the kind things that people sometimes say about me. Generally though, I think they are being nice. I have good friends. I doubt they would put up with me if they weren’t so good.

There is only one saving grace that I have and that is that God’s love and mercy are not contingent on me. There is no requirement on it. I only have to ask and I have it. He knows me at my worst and sees through my best disguise. He knows my weakness and would rather I fail to live up to His law and reach out to Him for forgiveness than that I be strong and never go to him. He lets me break my legs so that I call out to Him rather than let me run as far from Him as I would. There is mercy in pain. There is forgiveness for weakness. I serve a God who delights to show mercy.