Relax. Everything's going to be awesome.

Genesis 2: 15-18 ¹⁵ The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁶ And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

 ¹⁸ The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

I’m gonna be honest with you here. I am probably entirely out of my depth in what I’m about to talk about. I just want to lead in with that so that if something I say is stupid, well, I warned you.

So, relationships. That thing that dominated far too much of my thought through my teen years, and only in the past three has slipped back into a place where I can say that on some days my desire for it is not idolatrous. On some days. I’m not going to go into my relationship background for two reasons. One it isn’t fun, and two it’s not not fun in an exciting way, it’s not fun in an “Aw, that’s sad,” way.

But given my lack of experience I only feel right saying a few things. First, that a wife was not God’s first step with man. God’s first step was a job. Work. Responsibility. That’s important. If you aren’t providing for yourself how do you plan to provide for a wife, much less a family? Work/Responsibility are important for other reasons as well. In many ways, a job and responsibility are two of the biggest tools God uses to make a boy into a man. I think that men are built physically and psychologically to work. It’s a part of our nature and honestly we find a great deal of pride in it. There is a great deal of joy we take from a project that was worth doing being completed and done well. I also feel like it some ways this has been taken away from men in our culture.

Now, bear with me here. We begin a young man’s life with at least twelve years of school, often more. Twelve years spent accomplishing nothing tangible. Yes, education is an excellent thing and I am incredibly grateful for it. On the other hand, ninety five percent of the useful things that I’ve learned in my life I learn outside a classroom. We further push back the line between boyhood and manhood by having these young men go to college where they will spend their time in one of two ways (I’m painting with broad strokes here). They might work towards the goal of a degree with a determination that will little to no time spent building healthy relationships or growth as a person. Alternatively, they will but thrust into a situation where they are surrounded by equally confused and immature boys-that-shave and will pursue sex and intoxication to the best of their ability. At some ill (if at all) defined point they will cross-over into manhood, or rather into a period where everyone will assume them to be men by virtue of their age. Does that sound like a good recipe for creating men? I have few suggestions on how to change this problem. All I know to do is to strive towards being a better man myself and to encourage those around me to do the same.

Alright, second category. Boundaries. Lord, we young men need better ones. We need to place better boundaries on ourselves and on one another. I’m incredibly lucky to have several good men (and that’s what they are) my age in my life who I honestly believe will call me out on it when I do wrong. Most people don’t have that. They’ve got nothing but idiots surrounding them telling to do things that will ruin their lives. They are dropped into a culture that is drenched in sex. They are told that sex is the end all, be all of their existence. That it should be the driving motivator in all of their actions. And the few voices that usually say anything against this culture are so embarrassed by sex that they sound as if they’ve never done it or at the very least never enjoyed it.

We Christians have allowed a foolish and entirely non-biblical misunderstanding of sex to infect our sector of the culture. The bible talks about sex. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like, one whole book of the bible entirely devoted to the subject. And it doesn’t shy away from the nasty effects that sex has outside it’s proper context. And it is not embarrassed to say that sex is a wonderful gift from God. We Christians need to embrace that and begin to talk about sex the way the bible talks about sex. Trying to hide it will not work. Not in a world were pornography is one accidental click away. Not in a world where the average age that a child first sees porn is 11 (http://www.sync-blog.com/sync/2010/06/internet-porn-stats-should-parents-be-concerned.html). We have to combat these views early and repeatedly. Telling people that sex is gross and you should save it for the one you love won’t cut it anymore. We have to give people a chance to learn good boundaries before they’ve crossed them and to help them understand why boundaries should be there once they have crossed them.

Alright, last one. The one I’ve been avoiding. A helper. I hope that word doesn’t bother any ladies who may be reading this. It does not mean anything dishonorable or disrespectful. God himself is referred to as our helper in some verses of the bible. Our culture has done a lot of things to elevate women and that’s wonderful. It absolutely is. But at the same time I think we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction. Women are not somehow magically holier than men simply by virtue of being women. Somehow in our mad desire to see women be equal to men in the workplace we’ve lost the enormous respect we should have for the women who stay at home and want to become mothers. I don’t know that there is a harder job in the world than trying to raise a kid (much less multiple kids) in a good way. Finally, we’ve lost what it should mean for a wife to follow and serve her husband.

First, let me be perfectly clear. This does not mean that men are allowed to be tyrants or that we should ever be allowed to issue commands because we are the husbands. Ever. Men who rule by that (or even worse by force) are disgusting and monstrous.

Now, let me be perfectly clear in the opposite direction. Ladies, if you do not think you can follow the man you’re considering for a husband to hell and back you need to break up with him. If you do not respect him, and desire to serve him because of that respect, you do not need to be dating him. You are not going to change him by dating him and you sure as hell are not going to change him by marrying him. There are good, righteous, awesome men of God out there. I’ve met them. You should be dating them.

Now, men, do you know what the model for your leadership is? Go read Ephesians 5. You are to love her like Christ loved the church. Now, who gave up more, Christ or the church? Who went through the worse pain, Christ or the church? Who went first, Christ or the Church? Guys, your model is Christ and that’s a high bar. Are you anywhere near it? Are you trying daily to get closer to it? If you aren’t, maybe that’s why no girl worth having wants you. Man up and get to work. Set your boundaries where they should be. Then look for your helper, not before.